


In Your Absence

by steelorchids



Series: Random Karedevil fics [18]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Karedevil - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Hope, Missing someone, Post-Episode: s01e08 The Defenders, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25210903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelorchids/pseuds/steelorchids
Summary: The wind howled and she held the blanket more tightly. Tears began streaming down her face as she felt his absence at its worst. It was almost absurd. Tonight she was missing him just as much as she had missed him ever since before his disappearance. She was tired to her very bones, but still determined to hold on and use all of her resources to find him.
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Karen Page, Matt Murdock/Karen Page
Series: Random Karedevil fics [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1195774
Comments: 15
Kudos: 16





	In Your Absence

**Author's Note:**

> _“Sometimes you are going to miss a person who was an ‘almost’ to you. And feel sad because there is no name for that feeling. You just feel it in a way that makes you tired to your very bones.”_ ― Nikita Gill

It was already past midnight when Karen woke up shivering in the middle of the living room with half her blanket lying on the floor. She must have forgotten to shut the window because the late autumn breeze was flowing inside the whole place and the temperature had dropped considerably. Her eyes were heavy and her body weak, but there was no way she'd be able to fall back asleep with such heat loss, so she stretched out in order to get up from the couch. Upon doing so, the photo frame she had been holding against her chest shifted, making her feel as if an awl had just pierced through her soul. It was their St. Patrick's Day picture and her heart sank each time she looked at it because the memory brought her both joy and sorrow. She took it in her hands and patted Matt’s face with her thumb above the glass.

He had been missing for months, yet not an hour passed by when she did not think of him. It was not easy, but somehow she managed to stay strong. She would go about with her life and pretend to be moving on normally, working long hours to keep her mind occupied during the day, while insomnia kept her awake at night. Her side investigations about Midland Circle were not an excuse to neglect the rest of the stories she was assigned and she proved to be quite efficient at delivering the latter, but nothing, absolutely nothing, led her to finding Matt. She only kept running around in circles and wasn't sure how long it'd take for her to start breaking down into pieces. 

Unless it was necessary, she didn't interact with anyone other than Ellison at the office, or with Foggy outside of it. She preferred not to risk people looking too closely or they would be able to see her pain. Her grief was not to be shown to the world, hence she camouflaged it with a hectic schedule and polite smiles. If she let anyone see the sadness in her eyes, they'd start asking questions for which she had no answer. 

She couldn't talk about him, but — the worst part — she couldn't let go of him either. It was like being trapped in an endless spiral and sometimes she even had to wonder... When did she allow him to become so important to her? Every now and then she got filled with anger while looking back at the many times he had failed her, however, everything was reduced to fine dust the moment her shattered heart reminded her of all the reasons why she still loved him. 

In vain she had told herself that he would've drowned or starved to death already had he survived that explosion. She refused to get used to the idea of having lost him, that's why she'd never stop searching. She loved Matt Murdock and he was very much alive to her, nevertheless, none of that changed the fact that she had never been so lonely. 

She placed the photo frame back on the coffee table — right next to her laptop and the pile of papers with notes and articles she had gathered. Then her bare feet made contact with the cold wood below her and she wrapped herself in the blanket all the way down to her ankles before taking small steps towards the window. 

She crossed her arms as shivers invaded her from head to toe once more and looked outside. There was nothing to see beyond the tall buildings of the city with their rooftops and their dark corners, perfect spots for those who were fed up with crime and decided to take justice into their own hands. 

"Please tell me you're still out there," she whispered, wishing Matt could hear her. 

The wind howled and she held the blanket more tightly. Tears began streaming down her face as she felt his absence at its worst. It was almost absurd. Tonight she was missing him just as much as she had missed him ever since before his disappearance. She was tired to her very bones, but still determined to hold on and use all of her resources to find him.

For the moment, she locked the window and went into her bedroom. It was best to try to sleep. Tomorrow would be another day, and maybe that would be the day when she’d finally see Matt again.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "[En Ausencia De Ti](https://youtu.be/A4yJPn60uuQ)" (which translates as "In Your Absence") by Laura Pausini. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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